my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
