I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
