"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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