So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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