haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
