Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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