Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
