Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex

(949): View more from California

How do you have pretend sex?

(805): View more from California

It was bad...so it was pretend

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(805): He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex (949): How do you have pretend sex? (805): It was bad...so it was pretend http://tfl.nu/3mvm

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

No stitches, just platelets and will power

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(215): No stitches, just platelets and will power http://tfl.nu/pdnf

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles

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(612): I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles http://tfl.nu/ysmu

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(858): View more from California

Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

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(858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

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(+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc

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(718): View more from New York

He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.

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(718): He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/c0nn

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.

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(843): I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower. http://tfl.nu/3pc6

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(206): View more from Washington

I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.

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(206): I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day. http://tfl.nu/kwoe

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(845): View more from New York

No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back

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(845): No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back http://tfl.nu/c7vm

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(503): View more from Oregon

So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?

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(503): So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt? http://tfl.nu/w4he

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(108): View more from

Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly

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(108): Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly http://tfl.nu/wtl4

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.

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(860): Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/pxbo

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(831): View more from California

YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.

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(831): YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL. http://tfl.nu/sk5h

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(864): View more from South Carolina

How bad is the voicemail?

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.

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(864): How bad is the voicemail? (1-864): You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/kbpy

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?

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(405): Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it? http://tfl.nu/wmow

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