i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...