I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
