would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
