just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
