Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
