i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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