i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
