Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
