I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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