Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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