Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
