theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
