This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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