She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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