Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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