and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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