scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
