I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
