I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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