Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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