just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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