I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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