The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
