And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
