having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
