i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
