All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
