I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
