i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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