Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
