You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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