hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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