i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
