it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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