i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
