Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
high people should be assigned attendants
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
