someone threw a dead crab at me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
