I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
