When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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