I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
