don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
