by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
