She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
God, I missed his penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
