i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
