All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
