i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
