This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
