I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
