Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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