Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
