Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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