reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
