I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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