I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
