I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't put those talents on a resume
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
