I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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