Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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