Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize