I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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