I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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